The Joy

Good morning, all! It's been about a month since my last posting, and I promise to try and get better at this! I felt compelled to write after this past Sunday's church service. This past weekend, people were encouraged to come forward for an impromptu baptism for all three of the weekend services (1 Saturday night and 2 Sunday morning), and I understand 8 people came forward for Saturday night's service, while 8 also came forward for the 9:30am Sunday service my friends and I attended. I've no idea at this time how many came forward for the 11:00am service. It would truly be interesting if that number was 8 as well! Time was set aside at the end of the sermon to allow for these baptisms, and the preacher, Jeff Clark, did the baptisms himself (he normally doesn't do them).

Of the 8 baptisms that we watched Sunday morning, the very first one was so inspiring, so moving. This young man (he was either late teens or early 20's) walking into the baptismal pool with tears in his eyes for what he was about to undertake. His name was Dillon, and you could just see the joy in an aura around him as the Spirit of the Lord was totally upon him. As Jeff asked him questions, his silent weeping increased, and when Jeff asked if he had any family there to watch his baptism, he said no, that he was alone. So Jeff asked all of us to stand as his family, which increased Dillon's weeping drastically. And he wasn't alone. I had hot tears of joy running down my face, and I could see Carolyn on my left and Steve on my right both wiping at their eyes as well. I doubt there were many dry eyes in the sanctuary at all during Dillon's baptism. When Jeff had asked who the lord of Dillon's life was and had immersed him in death with Jesus and brought him back up out of the water in eternal life, the applause was thunderous and very long while Jeff and Dillon embraced and clung to each other. This is what the joy of Christ in our lives should be all about, feeling the love and adoration of our Divine Creator as well as the love and adoration of our brethren in Christ.

The remaining 7 baptisms were also very moving, but none held a candle to that first joyous baptism. To feel the Holy Spirit enter you, to reside in you, to embrace you and guide you through life, has to be the greatest joy one can feel in life. Nothing compares to it. Nothing should compare to it. Because religion has no place in the very personal relationship between ourselves and Jesus. Religion is merely a system of trying to see and be seen; to control others through power plays. But to feel the loving arms of Christ encircling you, holding you close, knowing that He sees all in your heart and loves you anyway, knowing that by trusting Him, loving Him, and following Him that He has washed away your sins, given you eternal life and joy, will hold you up when you stumble - what greater joy on Earth could there possibly be?

Why Are People Disrespectful?

While I was at the laundromat this afternoon, I was minding my own business, as was almost everyone else in the place, when this woman comes in to do her laundry. However, she is talking - loudly - on her cell phone while coming into the establishment, and it's obvious from her end of things that this should be a very private conversation, not one to be conducted, at high volume, out in public. She was completely oblivious to the fact that she was airing her dirty laundry out for the whole world to see. Yes, I know, it was a laundromat, where else to air out dirty laundry? But the laundry there should be physical, not verbal and private! And the language she was using around very young children in the place! She was extremely disrespectful to everyone in the building.

I definitely breathed a sigh of relief when she left. I mean, I can understand that not everyone is happy with their lots in life, but come on, have some class and leave those conversations, and that language, behind closed doors, not out in public like that! And certainly not around 2-5 year olds running around the laundromat! I could see her sitting out in her car now and then while I was folding my clothes, but I had a lot of clothes to fold, and she was back inside before I had finished. About 20 minutes had passed, and she was still having the very private and very foul-mouthed conversation. While I was finishing up my folding, I wondered why God created such obviously-low-classed people in the first place? Then, it slowly dawned on me.

Just as God creates individuals to test our ability to love and to have compassion, He also creates individuals to show us where we would be, or might be, without His presence in our lives. And sure enough, as soon as that thought struck me, I realized back in my darker days, before I allowed God to embrace me and make me His once more, that I was very much like this woman. I would use foul language, without worrying who was around me, I would have what should be private conversations out in public (I can even remember a few with my vile and sharp tongue in the USM library on the library's desk phone). However, shame did not consume me, for I realized I had moved on from all of that, and going along with last week's church sermon by Jeff Clark, I had forgotten and buried that past where it belonged. And I thanked Jesus for having taken me away from all that I was and making me into a better man today.

Watch Jeff Clark's January 1 sermon here on forgetting the past:
http://vimeo.com/34527652

Should I have invited that woman to church instead of just rolling my eyes at her crude and vulgar language and leaving without a backward glance? Should I have confronted her about using such language in a public place around small children? I don't know. I do know that if anyone had tried that with me back in the day, either their words would have fallen on deaf ears, or I would have turned on them like a cornered tiger for the audacity they would have had for sticking their nose into my business.

So I don't know what I should have done, but I did what I did (left), and there's no point in wondering what I could have done differently. As my friend Curt would say, there is nothing I could have done differently, because the action that I chose was the only action I could have chosen. I thank God for putting her there into my day as a reminder of what I once was like, and how I have come so far from being that crude, crass, and low-brow through His Grace and love. And while I still have miles to go, I've come too far to allow myself ever to backslide and stumble back into what I once was.

Forget The Past to Move Forward

Sunday morning, New Year's Day, our pastor gave a sermon on moving forward into the new year. As he pointed out, 2011 was a good year for some, a bad year for others, but 2012 is a whole new year unto itself. How can anyone move forward if they're holding onto the past? So his challenge is to forget 2011 and put it behind us. Now, he doesn't literally mean to totally forget what happened, to forget friends and family, but merely not to dwell upon what happened in the past. For how can you move forward if something, or someone, from the past is dragging you backwards?

And he doesn't mean just forgetting the bad things; he means putting the good things behind us as well. Al Bundy from the TV show Married... With Children comes to mind. Al was constantly reliving his high school days when he was a football star, but by doing so, he was depriving himself, and his family, of being a star in his present. He was always bemoaning how horrible his life and family are, but not once did he stop to consider that HE COULD CHANGE THAT by living in the present and trying to make his present life awesome.

While of course there are things we want to remember, and even brag about, from our past, we can't let ourselves become so obsessed with those things that we can't move forward. And constantly remembering when "times were good" means we're not letting Christ make the present good for us. God's plans are not for mortal men to understand, but He definitely has those plans, and when we don't look forward to the future, and don't live in the present, we're basically telling God that whatever He has in store for us isn't nearly as good as how it used to be.

And who among us would be willing to slap God in the face like that? I, for one, have no intention of telling God that His plans for me aren't working out, that I'd rather live in the more fruitful past, and I don't want His designs for my future to come to fruition. Not only would I never slap my Creator in the face that way, I also know, for a fact, that my life is better now than it was in the past. Even if certain periods in the past SEEM better than now (for instance, when I was employed full time, or when I didn't have to worry about how I was going to buy groceries, or pay my bills), I know that I am more of what God wants me to be now than I ever was back then, and I'm certainly happier now than I've ever been!

Faith

My men's faith group, which meets every Thursday morning at 6:45am in the atrium at the church, doesn't seem to have met today. I arrived and waited for a while, but the church was dark and no one was about. I hope nothing's wrong with the group leader! I didn't see him this past Sunday at church either, and I always do. Since it didn't meet today, I figured I would write a post on faith and what it means to me.

Faith generally means, according to dictionary.com:

faith [feyth] noun
1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.
2. belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.
3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims.
4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.
5. a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith.

 John tells us in 1 John 4:12:

No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us. NKJV

 Now, obviously, we don't just need "blind faith" to believe in God or Jesus; we have evidence from the Bible that He exists. Granted, non-believers (and this would include myself as recently as 8 months ago) would argue that this is no evidence at all, let alone proof, of the existence of a Heavenly Being. But the Bible is only one piece of evidence. For those who listen, God speaks to us at all times, in times of strife and times of plenty, in times of sorrow and times of joy. And to hear His voice, to feel His embrace, to sense His presence within and around us, is to feel the utmost of joy and jubilation. But beyond even that, we have the evidence of the world around us. His painted sunsets, the majesty of His creation, the beauty of a cool green glen with a spring, the desolate allure of the desert, the splendor of the sea are all reminders of His craft, His artistry, His love. So therefore, can the definition of "faith", which is so often used in the belief of God, that it is a belief in something without any proof, be the definition of our faith?

Perhaps at first, and even beyond the first surges of faith at the superficial, or physical, level. For when one first starts to have faith, it truly is without proof for that person. For how can there be proof of something that no one has ever seen when one is just beginning to believe? The proof, as they say, is in the pudding. And that's when the person new to faith finds that faith is not necessarily belief in something without proof. For when one has faith, one begins to commune with God, to talk with God rather than to God. For when one's faith stills the chaos, when one learns to listen without distraction, the voice of God can be heard. And while the Bible and the beauty of His creation around us are sufficient evidence, the proof comes from the actual ongoing dialogue with the Living God.

But if that's the case, why does one even need faith? According to Matthew 17:20:

So Jesus said to them, "Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you." NKJV

And again we see a similar statement in Luke 17:6:

So the Lord said, "If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,' and it would obey you." NKJV

 Faith can move mountains and trees; it can remove obstacles from our paths, our minds, our hearts. Faith can cure the sick, uplift the downtrodden, get us through any crises. But this takes not just any faith, for faith can come in various degrees and levels. Faith must be complete, full, without any doubts; for when one doubts, one predicts a degree of failure and lack of trust in God. For as Mark 11:23 and 11:24 state:

"For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be removed and be cast into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says. Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them." NKJV

So if one has faith, and one has no doubts at all within the boundaries of that faith (if such can be said, since faith should have no boundaries), then one can accomplish, through the will of Christ, whatever must be done. This is not to say that one can just expect to receive any desire, for desires that are for personal glory, personal satisfaction, personal profit, are not worthy of being asked. Acts that will promote well being for others, health for oneself, to bring down personal barriers that are holding one back from basking in the Glory of the Lord, these are all worthy acts and, should one's faith hold and doubt never enter into one's mind and heart, are acts that would be the mountain, or the mulberry tree. And it all begins with faith as small as a mustard seed.

Polishing Brass on a Sinking Ship

Several weeks ago our pastor, Jeff Clark, at First Hattiesburg was talking about how worrying about our physical appearance, trying to make ourselves appear our best, was akin to polishing brass on a sinking ship. I liked the phrasing and wrote it down to reflect upon, and I think it's definitely a very shrewd expression for people who still have not found Christ, but who are very much aware of how they appear, the kinds of looks they get from people, and how they try to be at the top of the social niche.

However, no matter how good they look, how much they tone up their physical body, it's the spiritual body that counts! So the term "polishing brass on a sinking ship" indicates someone who is trying to make themselves look good while they sink into the abyss. Now, this isn't to say we should just let our physical looks deteriorate, let ourselves become unhealthy, or completely ignore our appearances, but how important can it be to look our best while we encounter hell, which is defined as eternal separation from God? We must balance our lives with working on our spiritual selves first, talk to God, develop a personal relationship with Him, then work on the physical on the side.


Another way to look at this is a phrase I've always found amusing: Putting makeup on a pig. In this case, the "pig" would be the stagnant, rotted spiritual self while the makeup represents making the physical self as beautiful or handsome as possible. Again, trying to attain physical beauty while our spiritual side is ugly is simply not a worthwhile goal. As Matthew 16:26 says:

"For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?" NKJV

So therefore, we may have "gained the world" (ie, our physical beauty), but what good will it do when we do not have an eternity with God before us, but an eternity separated from God? For He didn't create us and put us into the world to be the most beautiful, the most handsome, the most glorified of His children; He put us into the world to show compassion and love Him and each other first and foremost, but also to test us through trials and tribulations, through joy and happiness, through sorrow and defeat, through family and love, through emptiness and solitude. For truly, what can be more beautiful than someone glowing through the love he has for, and receives from, God? No matter how beautiful a person is externally, he is merely an empty, lifeless, desolate shell without the grace and life that comes from Jesus. And that, my friend, is simply not attractive.


So what can we do to make ourselves as beautiful, as handsome, as attractive internally and spiritually as we are physically? Read our Bible. That would be the first step. And then talk with Him. Prayer does not have to be merely asking for things, and indeed it should not be merely asking for things. We should give praise and thanks, express our love and gratitude, and simply talk to Him. We need to tell Him our fears, our desires, our feelings, our thoughts, our yearnings. He knows them already, but He wants us to tell Him anyway. And when we come across passages and verses in the Bible that we don't understand, ask Him to clarify. He certainly always has for me. And if He'll do it for me, when I was cut off from Him, ran from and denied Him, for 30 years, He most certainly will answer anyone who listens. That's the key. We have to be willing to listen. And once we have our spiritual lives in order, our physical lives (and looks) will fall into place. This is not to say that we will suddenly become a beauty queen, or the prom king, but how we value our looks will have the proper priority over how we value our relationship with Christ; others will view us differently, will see the inner beauty that we will have, and will not judge us so much on our physical appearances. Not that true followers of Christ should ever judge another on the basis of appearance or anything else, since that is for the Lord God to do, but let's face it, all of us are sinners and tend to judge when it's not our place to do so.

Spiritual Music

I listen to spiritual music while driving, and sometimes while at home. It helps to focus my mind and my spirit on Christ and on my relationship with Him. I love Casting Crowns, and they are probably my favorite group now. I also like Chris Tomlin; his music has been played quite a bit at the church. In fact, "Our God" was probably one of the first Christian songs, after "You Raise Me Up", that I came to recognize.

     Our God is greater,

     Our God is stronger,

     God You are higher

     Than any other.

     Our God is healer,

     Awesome in power.

     Our God!

     Our God!

Oftentimes, I feel the presence of God just from the music. I can feel His arms embracing me, or feel His spirit in my chest, or just feel Him in the space around me. It's unlike anything I've ever known before, and I thank God each and every day for leading me to Him. I've recently taken up the sport of bicycle riding on the Longleaf Trace that stretches from Hattiesburg to Prentiss (although the farthest I've been is just to Sumrall!), and one thing I like to do while riding is to sing the songs of praise in my head. Or just talk to Him, but then again, singing the songs is very much like talking to Him anyway. :)

Steve's favorite Casting Crowns song is "Oh Glorious Day (Living He Loved Me)", which is indeed a fantastic song, and for me shares the spotlight with another CC song called "Jesus, Hold Me Now" as my favorites.

     Living, He loved me,

     Dying, He saved me,

     Buried, He carried my sins far away,

     Rising, He justified freely forever

     One day He's coming,

     Oh glorious day! Oh glorious day!

The lyrics are just so powerful and so praising of Christ's glory! My other favorite has the lyrics:

     Jesus, hold me now!

     I need to feel You in this place,

     To know You're by my side,

     And hear Your voice tonight.

     Jesus, hold me now!

     I long for Your embrace,

     I'm beat and broken down,

     I can't find my way out.

     Jesus, hold me now....

It's really no mystery how these powerful lyrics were part of my conversion and played a huge part in my being saved. How could anyone listen to these words and not be moved? The spirit is just so strong in each and every line here! Another song that melted my cold heart was by Avalon, called "In Christ Alone". Part of the lyrics are:

     There in the ground His body lay
     Light of the world by darkness slain:
     Then bursting forth in glorious Day
     Up from the grave he rose again!
     And as He stands in victory
     Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
     For I am His and He is mine -
     Bought with the precious blood of Christ.


And then there's another favorite of Steve's, which has also become one of mine, called "Shout To The Lord":


     Shout to the Lord, all the earth let us sing

     Power and majesty, praise to the King
     Mountains bow down and the seas will roar
     At the sound of Your name

     I sing for joy at the works of Your hands
     Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand
     Nothing compares to the promise I have in You

The beauty, the majesty, the compassion, and the pure love of the Lord is self evident in so many songs of faith! The Lord wants us to rejoice in Him, to feel joy and peace, to know that we are loved! When I was baptized, I was so filled with joy and happiness that I didn't even respond appropriately when Jay asked me if I had any family in the audience. I didn't, but I did have 4 friends out there ready to stand up for my baptism, but it didn't register what Jay was asking, so they weren't given a chance to stand for me. I'm sure 2 others would have as well, since those 2 didn't know I was to be baptized that day and they did come up and hug me afterwards. But I shall not beat myself up about it; mentally and spiritually, they were standing for me! I was also so out of it that all I could do was nod my head, making me look rather like a bobblehead lol. Oh well, it's not as if Christ cares if I'm a bobblehead while being saved or not!

And on that note, I'll end this posting! Until next time, may the Lord God watch over you and fill you with peace and unending joy!

Past to Present - October 23, 2011

Hello there, friend! If you're reading this post, then you must be interested in the spiritual journey I have undertaken since March of 2011. Although, in all actuality, my spiritual journey has been far, far longer than a mere 7 months (at the time of this posting). I subtitled this blog as "Or How I Stopped Running and Learned to Love Christ" (kind of a play on the movie "Dr. Strangelove, or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb"), trying to add a little whimsy to the blog lol.

I grew up in a small rural Baptist church, but never understood, or really cared to understand, much about "my" religion. As an example, I remember when I was young, I was doing something stupid, and my sister told me something to the effect that "That's not how a Christian acts!" My response was, "I'm not a Christian, I'm a Baptist!" I think I was probably 8 or 9 at the time, possibly a little older. Amusing story, but also incredibly true. I never bothered to read the Bible, just believed everything I was told about it. And it seemed like a scary thing to read, with all the stories I heard about judgment, damnation, hell, Satan, fearing God, his wrath - I mean, it just never seemed to me that there was anything positive about Christianity at all. However, that didn't stop me from becoming baptized around the age of 12 just to "fit in" and do what it seemed like was expected of me. I remember after being baptized I went to school and mimicked what I saw in church life - telling everyone I saw that they were going to hell. And I remember one boy asking me what made me think I wasn't going there, and I told him, "Because I'm Saved." And he asked me, "How do you know you are?" And I, of course, couldn't answer him. And that set me to thinking about things.

Now, during this time, I could, at any moment, have chosen to read the Bible to see what it actually said. But I chose (or, perhaps, Satan whispering in my ear chose for me) not to read it, because why would I want to read some antiquated book full of "thee's", "thou's", and "thy's"? Instead, I slowly drifted off into believing that God didn't actually exist, and found myself as an atheist. That didn't last very long, because I found I didn't like believing that there was no God (or no god) at all. One day, while out in the pasture behind our house, I was standing under a tree, with the sun shining through the branches and all the greenery around me, and thinking how I had learned through the church that nature gods were evil, were just an aspect of Satan. And I found myself thinking what utter nonsense that was; at that moment, my Pagan roots were born.

I then set out to try and learn what I could about Paganism. I checked books out of the library (both the Magee and Mendenhall branches), and started learning about Wicca. For about a year, I studied Wicca, then slowly began to realize it was too structured, too organized, too much like the organized religion I had left behind, for my tastes. I then started comparing different sects of Paganism, and finally decided I was an Eclectic Pagan - basically taking the aspects of the different sects I liked and making them my own. This kept me distracted for several more years, although as time passed, I found myself slowly changing from religious beliefs about Paganism to more philosophical beliefs about it. It wasn't until almost a decade ago that I realized I wasn't truly a Pagan anymore, that I had reverted back to atheism, but I hated admitting that to myself, so...I lied to myself for a couple more years. Finally I could no longer lie to myself, and had to admit that I was fully atheist again. But I still couldn't really admit this to others, so I kept up a "Pagan front", I guess you would say, letting others believe that I still was a Pagan. Odd, now that I think about it, that I would prefer people to think I had Pagan beliefs rather than no beliefs at all. My ideas, up until earlier this year, were that when you died, that was it. Your existence ended - you simply winked out of existence and that was that.

So what changed this year that caused my beliefs so radically to alter? Well, that story really begins 5 years ago, when I met someone that I befriended, who has become my best friend. Steve showed me, through example, that a Christian can be a loving, non-judgmental, non-condemning person that doesn't have to condemn others to hell to cover up his own inadequacies. I slowly tore down the preconceptions I had of Christians, learned that not all of them were full of hatred, that some actually were capable of living the Gospel of love and compassion towards others. But I still held firm to the notion that I would never call myself Christian again. And my friend respected that, although from time to time he would let slip something during a conversation, like "How could anyone look at the beauty of the world and not believe in God?". Such things didn't really convince me, but I learned later that they did have an effect on me.

He introduced me to Josh Groban at one point, specifically the song "You Raise Me Up", which I resisted liking at first because it was just another "gospel song". Slowly I came to appreciate the song itself, and this lead me to discover the group Celtic Woman, who also did a cover of the song. This song is special for a couple of reasons. 1) I believe it to be the beginning of music leading me to God, and 2) This song provided me much needed emotional support the day I learned I had been laid off from my 12-year-job at USM (University of Southern Mississippi) as part of the ongoing budget crisis. Driving home, I played the song in my truck, and it managed to keep me sane and give me hope on one of the toughest days of my life.

Through the rest of last year, and into this one, I discussed God with my friends, with my family, but never really considered what I meant by using the name "God". I guess I was just using it as a word, as a catch-all for anything beyond the ordinary, the physical, that we never truly understand. For whatever the reason, I used the word without cringing or any other negative side effects lol.

And then, in March of this year, Steve asked me if I would consider going to First Baptist on Lincoln Road in Hattiesburg with him. He'd been wanting to visit the church, been called to it perhaps, for a while, and finally asked me if I'd go with him. I agreed, and it was nothing like I expected at all. To begin with, the music wasn't dour, put-you-to-sleep music like I would expect in a Baptist church (and I'm sure I just offended someone somewhere somehow with my choice of phrasing), but was instead inspirational, wake-you-up contemporary Christian music. I remember telling Steve that my sister would probably walk out of the church at that point lol. Once the music was over, the minister came out and began to speak. The sermon was part one of a month-long theme called "The Christian Atheist". I couldn't really tell you what that sermon was all about. I just kind of sat there, feeling hostility bubbling up in me, and not paying any attention at all to the minister's words. Afterwards, we ended up going to KFC for lunch, and I remember sitting in the booth, eating chicken, and discussing the sermon. I was actually surprised that I could discuss what was said, since I didn't even pay attention to Jeff Clark's (the minister) words. So, I began asking pointed questions that frustrated Steve somewhat, since he couldn't really answer the questions I had. He tried, and to someone less vitriolic about the subject, his answers would have sufficed. But not for me! We eventually just decided to change the subject lol.

The next Sunday, as he was coming to visit, he called and asked me if I was ready for church. I hadn't expected that - I figured the Sunday we went was our one and only visit, but I reluctantly agreed that I would give it another go. So, we went, and as we entered, Steve said that he could feel the presence of God very powerfully in that church. I, of course, could not, but didn't bother telling him so. However, I did open myself up to the possibility of God, and I enjoyed the music and actually listened to the preacher's words. And most of what he said actually made sense. I was flabbergasted by the idea, but figured that logically, of course what he said would make sense.

After that, we sort of both just decided we would keep going back. He also offered to buy me a Bible, which I accepted and began to read, only 30+ years too late. I looked at several versions, but he suggested I go with the New King James Version, since it was closest to the KJV without all the Middle Ages words. I decided I was going to start with Genesis and read the entire thing. This was the month after I had gotten my dog, Max, and as the weather was nice and the days were getting longer, we started going for long walks down the street a block away. As we would walk, I would have lots of time to think on spiritual matters, and I started asking God to reveal his presence to me, to give me some sign that He actually existed. And of course no tree fell in my path, no lightning shot across the sky, no anvil dropped from heaven to land beside me (or on me lol). However, during one such walk, He kind of gave me a tap on the shoulder, and reminded me of something that had happened 35 years before. When I was around 8, I had been riding my horse, Bobo, on the country gravel road we lived on. I was barefoot, as I always was back then (and normally still am these days in my home and occasionally outside). As we were going up the road, a group of kids from further up the road came by on their bikes. They stopped and we chatted for a little bit, but at some point, one of the kids did something to spook Bobo, and he reared up, throwing me off his back. I landed hard on the gravel road - on my feet. On my bare feet. With nary a cut, scratch, or bruise on my feet. The gravel was sharp, and it was hard, and it should have lacerated my feet. Actually, I shouldn't have landed on my feet at all. I am not the most graceful of people. I have very little agility, I am clumsy as can be, I'm surprised I don't often trip over my own feet. And yet I landed on those very feet, those very bare feet, on sharp gravel, with no pain, no cuts or bruises, and didn't even have the wind knocked out of me from the very hard landing.

My Max

I remember just stopping in the middle of the road with Max as that memory flooded back, and I realized that God had anticipated my question 35 years before and provided the answer then. So, once I realized that, I read the Bible a bit more carefully, not merely as another book, but as the Book. And I began to meet God. And I began to pray to Him. So, at this point, I decided that God existed and that God loved me, but I still wasn't sure at all about this Jesus fella. I guess I considered myself Jewish at this point lol. I still mulled over the idea of Christ, and figured that once I met Him, I would most likely follow Him, but I was still reading the Old Testament at this point. I had made it to the book of Esther when Steve and I talked about whether I should skip ahead to the New Testament or not. He suggested that I speak with Jay McGuirk, the connections and adult pastor at the church, and get his opinion. By this point, I had spoken with Jay, mostly via email, for a while, and had met him and spoken with him in person as well. He answered questions I had and allowed me to ramble on to him about things, so I figured he would have some good advice for me. And he did indeed! He suggested I go ahead and finish Esther, then skip ahead and begin with the Gospel of John, then go back to the Gospel of Matthew and read the New Testament from there, then go back and finish the Old Testament when I was done.

Well, I followed his advice, and consumed the Gospels. And as I came to know Jesus, I also came to love Him. I read the New Testament pretty quickly, but carefully, trying my best to pick up nuances and interpret what I read. The biggest thing in my favor was when I came across something I didn't understand, or necessarily agree with, I would ask Jesus to clarify the Scriptures for me, and he would. A lot of people who aren't Christian, or are Christian in name only, probably will at this point think me mad, but God/Jesus talks to me - when I let myself listen. That's the big thing - He talks to us all the time, but mostly we're too busy, or the world is too loud, to listen to Him. In July or August, I compiled a mix cd of contemporary Christian music, and I put that in my truck's cd player. I have only removed it once, and that was to put in my cd that contained "You Raise Me Up" to listen to for a short time. I also signed up for and joined a Growth Group (First Baptist's, or as I'll refer to it from this point on, First Hattiesburg's, version of Bible study - our church only has Sunday morning services, one at 9:30am and a repeat of the same sermon at 11:00am, so Growth Groups also take the place of Sunday evening services), one of Faith. The combination of drenching myself in the music, going to church every Sunday (I've only missed 2 Sundays, and both of those were during July when the pastor was on sabbatical and had made videos called "At The Movies", each week concentrating on a different movie that had a spiritual theme to it), attending the Group meetings, reading the Bible several times a day, praying each and every day, and talking with God/Jesus at random times during the day, all lead to my accepting Christ as my Lord and Savior and deciding in September that I wanted to be baptized. I learned that being a Christ-follower isn't about religion; it's about a personal relationship with God and the Son of God (or Son of Man, as he mostly called himself in the Gospels).

So, I discussed it with Jay, and with Jeff Powell (the director of worship programming, whom I also worked pretty extensively with over the last 7 months), and we decided that my being baptized was going to occur on Oct. 16. I made an interview video, basically outlining a shortened version of this testimony, almost 2 weeks before, and have since been saved through my baptism and my confession/profession that Jesus is the Lord of my life. Stay tuned for more updates, discussions of faith, and more!